It’s been a tough winter. These allergies have really gotten me down. I finally figured out that tree pollen is the culprit. Unfortunately, we followed the budding trees all over the country and managed to hit each region just as that yellow poison was at its peak. An all too familiar pattern has emerged, brought on by my heart failure and resulting poor health. A sniffle turns into a full blown cold which turns into a sinus infection which has me pleading with God to take me now. My mom used to say, “I’d have to feel better to die.” She was right. By the end of March, I was bedridden, sleep deprived, too nauseated to eat and banished to the guest room because of my incessant coughing. This sorry state lasted for almost two weeks. Just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, they did.
It was Friday evening, April Fool’s Day, but this was no joke. It was around 11:00 in the evening. Because I could only cat nap and had to do that sitting up, I was sort of cocooned in a mountain of pillows. I was waiting for my cough-medicine buzz to kick in, when all of the sudden something happened. I am used to weird things going on with my heart and I am usually not scared. This was different. I didn’t recognize it. It was violent. And it knocked me out. Unconscious. Thank goodness I was already lying down.
When I woke up, I shook it off, got up and went into the bathroom. I thought maybe I had had a stroke. I was trying to remember all those tests you do if you think someone’s had a stroke. Isn’t there an acronym for it? I couldn’t remember, so I started with my face. I smiled. It wasn’t crooked. That was good. I raised my arms. Was that even part of the test? I don’t know, but I did it anyway. They both worked and they were in sync. Good. Then I tried to say the alphabet backwards. It’s hard. I’m old and tired and my cough medicine was kicking in. But I did it. A few letters at a time. I figured I didn’t have a stroke. Maybe I had a heart attack. That seemed unlikely,though. I don’t have any cardiovascular disease.
Then the light bulb went off; I think my defibrillator shocked me. But it didn’t hurt. It’s supposed to hurt. That’s what all the literature says. It’s supposed to feel like getting kicked by a horse. But it didn’t. It was intense, yes, painful, no. But what else could it be? I spoke to my doctor the next day. Yes, indeed, my defibrillator had shocked me. I have a monitor that sends nightly readings of my device to my doctor. How high tech is that? He ran a few tests and determined that I was OK. The defibrillator had done what it was supposed to do.
It’s been almost a month and it hasn’t happened again. I’m over my infection and I’m feeling better. Physically. But I’m scared. Scared to take a bath, scared to drive on the freeway, scared that it will happen again when I’m not in bed, scared that my ventricular tachycardia have come back, scared that I might have end stage heart failure, scared that I will die a horrific death like my mother did. But one thing I’m not scared of. I’m not scared of where I will spend eternity. Not at all. There’s a lot I don’t know, but one thing I do know, I know my redeemer lives.
Just Passing Through 
Shana, what gift you have for writing. You continue to be in our prayers. Thank God for the miracle of pace makers.
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Hi Shana, The honesty and humor that describes your writing provokes my response today. Your attitude is brave and you seem to accept God’s grace in any form. Thank you for sharing this story.
I write you from the pov of the spouse who wants to help,to save, to make it all better. I know your dear Rick would do anything for you. I’m glad you ‘re going to CA. This summer!
Big hug
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thank you
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Shana, I don’t get to see you enough, but you are always in my heart. I love your writing… Elizabeth and I have decided to dedicate this year to my writing, and I am trying to get a novel placed with an agent. But you seem to be blessed with a far more poetic voice than mine, so thank you for sharing it with the rest of us. As for your heart… it may not function as well as you would like, but you have always been blessed with a wonderful heart and soul.
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Thank you
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You are amazing Shana Sloas Walker. Thank you so much for sharing your stories. You are a talented writer and I love what you have to say and how you say it. ❤️
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Thank you
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It’s always interesting to read your stories, but this one I especially enjoyed. Thinking about you a lot!
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Thank you
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I am so thankful that you have not had another episode and I pray that you do not. You have so much to share and you do it in such an inspirational way. You give all of us around you joy. Continue spreading The Word and enjoy each day, dear friend.
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Thank you.
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thank you for sharing your thoughts, words, and life. you are an inspiration, and I just wanted you to know that.
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thank you
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Oh my goodness! I’m sorry, but happy you are on the path to good advice, better health…and of course, eternity! We hope to see ya’ll soon! My doctor has a theory that I don’t eat enough dirt (always washing my fruit, cleaning the counters, disinfecting my hands with wipes…) and that’s why I have allergies. He asked me to take three kinds of pro-biotics (I can get you the names of them if you like, but they are refrigerated and very common) for a month to two months and see if I notice any improvement. He says it will replace what I have killed off in my gut. ( I am skeptical because my dad, who is a rancher, eats more dirt than anyone I know and has terrible allergies!) but I have taken about 20 so far! Will let you know…I’m not selling anything!
Take good care of yourself and hope to see you soon! God Bless!
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That’s a new one. Dirt. Ha. I have no idea why my allergies are so bad. One of the yellow places was Carmel! We don’t arrive until late June but will stay until the end of September. See you soon.
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